February 28, 2005

Laird of Isle of Jura Newsletter 3

News from the Isle of Jura for Jan / Feb 2005

Christmas and New Year

For the first time in several years and much to (almost) everyone’s delight, Jura woke up to a blanket of snow on Christmas day. I say almost because the lads who man the gritting trucks probably were not too happy especially one chap who also looks after the water and electricity supplies! It was a busy day for him!!

While Christmas on Jura tends to be a quiet family affair, Hogmanay (New Year) is a wild time of celebrations. It’;s the only night of the year when the pub is empty before midnight (except sometimes for the odd bewildered visitor) as people head to their own homes to “bring in the bells”. Then it’s off first footing around friends and neighbours with most people ending up in the village hall at some point of the night for a Ceilidh.

After the terrible events in South East Asia, it was decided this year to hold a fundraising party in the hall after the bells. This was a great success with £860 raised on the night (not bad for a wee place like Jura). With collection bottles doing the rounds for the next couple of weeks, a grand total of just over £1600 was sent to the appeal.

Burns night

Another excuse for a party, as Jura remembers the Bard, Robbie Burns. The traditional supper of haggis, neeps and tatties (turnips and potatoes) was held in the village hall at the end of January with poetry, song music and dancing keeping everyone entertained until the wee sma hours.

Jura’s doctor

No fewer than 36 applications were received and the latest news is that a new doctor has finally been appointed. It’s amazing what a bit of press coverage can do!

Well, the weather got the better of me and I didn’t get any more photo’s of or from the Lairds’s View (as it has now been christened) when I was on Jura at New Year. Keep an eye on the Laird of Jura site, though, as we hope to have some new pictures up shortly.

During the spring, we hope to put a couple of picnic tables on the site and carry out some bracken control. This is merely to enhance the estate for any visiting Lairds and in no way will
it be over developed.

Isle of Jura Gifts

Within the next couple of weeks, the Isle of Jura gift shop will be on line. Go to www.isleofjuragifts.com to purchase some unique gifts from the island and also books about Jura.

Next time, I hope to bring you a story from Jura’s past and more news about the Isle of Jura gift shop.
Slainte
David

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September 19, 2007

The Isle of Islay in 1775

The following article was taken from "A Journey to the Western Isles of Scotland" written by Samuel Johnson (1775). In order to preserve the original version as much as possible I have not altered any of the spelling differences you will see.

The Isle of Islay

The isle of Islay lies to the west of Jura, from which it is separated by a narrow channel; it is twenty four miles in length from south to north, and eighteen from east to west; there are some little mountains about the middle on the east side. The coast is for the most part heathy and uneven, and by consequence not proper for village; the north end is also full of heaths and hills. The south-west and west is pretty well cultivated, and there is six miles between Kilrow on the west, and Port Escock in the east, which is arable and well inhabited. There is about one thousand little hills on this road, and all abound with limestone; among which there is lately discovered a lead mine in three different places, but it has not turned to any account as yet. The corn growing here is barley and oats.

There is only one harbour in this isle, called Loch-Dale; it lies near the north end, and is of a great length and breadth; but the depth being in the middle, few vessels come within half a league of the land side.

There are several rivers in this isle affording salmon. The fresh-water lakes are well stocked with trouts; eels, and some with salmons: as Loch-Guirm, which is four miles in circumference, and hath several forts built on an island that lies in it.

Loch-Finlagan, about three miles in circumference, affords salmon, trouts, and eels: this lake lies in the centre of the isle. The isle Finlagan, from which this lake hath its name, is in it. It is famous for being once the court in which the great Macdonald, King of the Isles, had his residence; his houses, chapel, etc., are now ruinous. His guards de corps, called Lucht-taeh, kept guard on the lake side nearest to the isle; the walls of their houses are still to be seen there.

The High Court of Judicature, consisting of fourteen, sat always here; and there was an appeal to them from all the Courts in the isles: the eleventh share of the sum in debate was due to the principal judge. There was a big stone of seven feet square, in which there was a deep impression made to receive the feet of Macdonald; for he was crowned King of the Isles standing in this stone, and swore that he would continue his vassals in the possession of their lands, and do exact justice to all his subjects: and then his father’s sword was put into his hand. The Bishop of Argyll and seven priests anointed him king, in presence of all the heads of the tribes in the isles and continent, and were his vassals; at which time the orator rehearsed a catalogue of his ancestors, etc.

There are several forts built in the isles that are in fresh-water lakes, as in Ilan-Loch-Guirn, and Ilan-Viceain; there is a fort called Dunnivag in the south-west side of the isle, and there are several caves in different places of it. The largest that I saw was in the north end, and is called Vah-Vearnag; it will contain 200 men to stand or sit in it. There is a kill for drying corn made on the east side of it; and on the other side there is a wall built close to the side of the cave, which was used for a bed-chamber; it had a fire on the floor, and some chairs about it, and the bed stood close to the wall. There is a stone without the cave door, about which the common people make a tour sunways.

A mile on the south-west side of the cave is the celebrated well called Toubir in Knahar, which in the ancient language is as much as to say, the well that sallied from one place to another: for it is a received tradition among the vulgar inhabitants of this isle, and the opposite isle of Colonsay, that this well was first in Colonsay, until an imprudent woman happened to wash her hands in it, and that immediately after, the well being thus abused, came in an instant to Islay, where it is like to continue, and is ever since esteemed a catholicon for diseases by the natives and adjacent islanders; and the great resort to it is commonly every quarter-day.

It is common with sick people to make a vow to come to the well, and after drinking, they make a tour sunways round it, and then leave an offering of some small token, such as a pin, needle, farthing, or the like, on the stone cover which is above the well. But if the patient is not like to recover, they send a proxy to the well, who acts as above-mentioned, and carries home some of the water to be drank by the sick person.

There is a little chapel beside this well, to which such as had found the benefit of the water, came back and returned thanks to God for their recovery.

There are several rivers on each side this isle that afford salmon. I was told by the natives that the Brion of Islay, a famous judge, is according to his own desire, buried standing on the brink of the river Laggan, having in his right hand a spear, such as they use to dart at the salmon.

There are some isles on the coast of this island, as island Texa on the south-west, about a mile in circumference; and island Ouirsa, a mile likewise in circumference, with the small isle called Nave.

The Names of the Churches in this Isle are as follows: Kil-Chollim Kill, St. Columbus his church near Port Escock, Kil-Chovan in the Rins, on the west side the isle; Kil-Chiaran in Rins, on the west side Nerbols in the Rins, St. Columbus his church in Laggan, a chapel in island Nave, and Kilhan Alen, north-west of Kilrow. There is a cross standing near St. Columbus’s or Port Escock side, which is ten feet high. There are two stones set up at the east side of Loch-Finlagan, and they are six feet high.

All the inhabitants are Protestants; some among them observe the festivals of Christmas and Good Friday. They are well proportioned and indifferently healthful.

The air here is not near so good as that of Jura, from which it is but a short mile distant; but Islay is lower and more marshy, which makes it liable to several diseases that do not trouble those of Jura. They generally speak the Irish tongue; all those of the best rank speak English; they use the same habit and diet with those of Jura.

This isle is annexed to the Crown of Scotland. Sir Hugh Campbell of Caddell is the King’s steward there, and has one half of the island. This isle is reckoned the furthest west of all the isles in Britain. There is a village on the west coast of it called Cul, i.e., the back part; and the natives say it was so called because the ancients thought it the back of the world, as being the remotest part on that side of it. The natives of Islay, Colonsay, and Jura say that there is an island lying to the southwest of these isles, about the distance of a day’s sailing, for which they have only a bare tradition. Mr. MacSwen, present minister in the isle Jura, gave me the following account of it, which he had from the master of an English vessel that happened to anchor at that little isle, and came afterwards to Jura, which is thus:

As I was sailing some thirty leagues to the southwest of Islay, I was becalmed near a little isle, where I dropped anchor and went ashore. I found it covered all over with long grass. There was abundance of seals lying on the rocks and on the shore; there is likewise a multitude of sea-fowls in it; there is a river in the middle, and on each side of it I found great heaps of fish bones of many sorts; there are many planks and boards cast up upon the coast of the isle, and it being all plain, and almost level with the sea, I caused my men (being then idle) to erect a heap of the wood about two stories high; and that with a design to make the island more conspicuous to seafaring men.

This isle is four English miles in length, and one in breadth. I was about thirteen hours sailing between this isle and Jura. Mr. John MacSwen, above mentioned, having gone to the isle of Colonsay some few days after, was told by the inhabitants that from an eminence near the monastery in a fair day they saw as it were the top of a little mountain in the south-west sea, and that they doubted not but it was land, though they never observed it before. Mr. MacSwen was confirmed in this opinion by the account above-mentioned; but when summer was over, they never saw this little hill, as they called it, any more; the reason which is supposed to be this, that the high winds in all probability has cast down the pile of wood that forty seamen had erected the preceding year in that island, which, by reason of the description above recited, we may aptly enough call the Green Island.

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December 29, 2006

“The Tartans of Scotland”

If you were asked the question “what is the most famous Scottish tradition” the wearing of tartan might be one of the first answers you give.

Almost everyone when asked that question would think about the Scottish kilt and the associated tartans that now symbolise Scotland throughout the world. Yet in the majority of cases they would be wrong in thinking of it as traditional wear!

A close examination of history will show us that although the Scots have indeed worn the kilt and the tartan from earliest times, the current style now bears very little resemblance to the original design. Indeed most of the now “traditional” tartans worn by Scottish Clans and sold throughout the world as such can only be traced back to the middle of the 18th century.

Historical Tartan Wear.

However history clearly shows that the kilt and tartans have been the true dress of Scots people for as long as their history has been recorded. Indeed there is still a sample of a small piece of Scottish brown and white tartan which was originally used as a stopper for an earthenware pot. This contained a treasure trove of silver coins and was found close to a Roman wall near Falkirk. This tartan cloth appears to have been buried in the third century.

There are also other references to tartans in various historic documents and paintings.

For example, a charter granted to Hector Maclean of Duart in 1587 for land in the neighbouring Isle of Islay details a rental payable in 60 ells of white, black and green colours. This is very similar to the pattern now being worn as the current Maclean Hunting tartan.


The Maclean Hunting tartan as described in the original charter dated 1587
.

One account of the Battle of Killiecranke in 1689 described McDonnell’s men as being in a triple stripe. (However, it would be fair to assume that local communities would normally wear the cloth produced by their local weaver in quantities that would limit the number of different patterns. Invariably, most men of the district would be dressed in similar material.)

campbell argle tartan

A modern Campbell of Argyle Tartan.
Note the current Campbell Clan Chief wears the 42nd (Black Watch) tartan
which is woven in brighter colours than that shown above.

Whilst the wearing of the Tartan was a distinctive form of identity enabling friend or foe to be recognised other forms of identity such as flags, standards, shields, feathers and plants. One story tells how a wounded clansman on the battlefield was nearly killed by his own side until he announced who he was to be told "we did not recognise you without your bonnet". Evidently the tartan of the kilt was not able to show to which clan he belonged.

macdonald tartan kilt

A MacDonald of the Isles Hunting tartan. Generally hunting tartans are similar
but have darker colours which blend into the heather better. 

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Tartan Day

"Every line of strength in American history is a line coloured with Scottish blood."
 President Woodrow Wilson praising the contribution of the Scottish Nation to the history of the USA

Why have countries set aside a special day called "Tartan Day"?

The effect of Scots moving the new emerging countries such as Canada and USA clearly effected almost every part of its culture and growth. It could even be said that the Scottish immigrants — many who still wore the tartan kilt in the new world — had a greater effect on the development of these new world countries than any other immigrant group from anywhere in the world.

Lets consider the effect of
Scots on the USA.

  • Anyone looking at the map of North Carolina will find that there are 130 towns or places beginning with either "Mac" or "Mc".

  • Nearly half of the Secretaries of the US Treasury and one third of the the Secretaries of State of United States have been of Scots origin.

  • Nine of the thirteen Governors of the newly created United States were Scots or of Scottish descent.

  • Of the fifty six signatories of the Declaration of Independence nine were directly or indirectly descended from Scots.

  • At least eleven Presidents of the USA have had Scots ancestry

Our Laird of Jura book lists even more achievements but we lack space here to repeat them all.

Some people think of the Tartan Day as being a day to remember! A day to celebrate! Scotsmen and women left their native country to travel to faraway places around the world including the United States, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. However as Scots they brought with them elements of their culture not just the tartan kilt and bagpipes but their skills their tenacity and hard work.

National Tartan Day on April 6th is about celebrating their achievements.

There are nearly as many descendants of Scots living in Canada as there are people living in Scotland; almost 5 million. In the US there are more than 12 million people of Scottish descent. 

Many Scottish groups and societies campaigned for recognition of their importance in the development of their country. Central to their campaign was the recognition of the anniversary of the Declaration of Arbroath (1320) as their national date to celebrate their Scottish roots.

A small part of that Declaration of Arbroath, states "For so long as one hundred men remain alive, we shall never under any conditions submit to the domination of the English. It is not for glory or riches or honours that we fight, but only for liberty, which no good man will consent to lose but with his life."

Canada was the first to recognise April 6th as the special Tartan Day.

America followed suit on March 20th 1998, when Senate Resolution 155 (S.Res. 155), proposed by US Senate Republican majority leader Trent Lott, was passed unanimously.

The full resolution as passed in the US Senate, with its preamble, is as follows:


S. Res. 155
Whereas April 6 has a special significance for all Americans, and especially those Americans of Scottish descent, because the Declaration of Arbroath, the Scottish Declaration of Independence, was signed on April 6, 1320 and the American Declaration of Independence was modelled on that inspirational document;

Whereas this resolution honors the major role that Scottish Americans played in the founding of this Nation, such as the fact that almost half of the signers of the Declaration of Independence were of Scottish descent, the Governors in 9 of the original 13 States were of Scottish ancestry, Scottish Americans successfully helped shape this country in its formative years and guide this Nation through its most troubled times;

Whereas this resolution recognizes the monumental achievements and invaluable contributions made by Scottish Americans that have led to America’s preeminence in the fields of science, technology, medicine, government, politics, economics, architecture, literature, media, and visual and performing arts;

Whereas this resolution commends the more than 200 organizations throughout the United States that honor Scottish heritage, tradition, and culture, representing the hundreds of thousands of Americans of Scottish descent, residing in every State, who already have made the observance of Tartan Day on April 6 a success;

Whereas these numerous individuals, clans, societies, clubs, and fraternal organizations do not let the great contributions of the Scottish people go unnoticed:

Now, therefore, be it Resolved, That the Senate designates April 6 of each year as "National Tartan Day."


Scotland has tried to establish a similar celebration Tartan Day over the last couple of years but it has yet to take off in any major way.   Arbroath of course taking the lead followed by other large towns.

The third largest city in Scotland Aberdeen has just just decided to launch its own Tartan day celebration but going against the international consensus of going for April 6th — the anniversary of the Declaration of Arbroath — but choosing a day in August.  WHY?

See our pages on the Tartan and The Kilt here

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The Arbroath Declaration of Scottish Independance in English

The Declaration of Arbroath. 2

On a previous page we wrote about how and why the Declaration of Arbroath came to be drawn up by Bruce and the Scottish Nobles.  We reproduce the English language translation below together with a photograph of the original charter or rather a copy retained in Scotland (as the original got lost in history).  Note the seals attached to the charter instead of signatures.  We have applied a similar seal to your Laird Certificate.



To the most Holy Father and Lord in Christ, the Lord John, by divine providence Supreme Pontiff of the Holy Roman and Universal Church, his humble and devout sons Duncan, Earl of Fife, Thomas Randolph, Earl of Moray, Lord of Man and of Annandale, Patrick Dunbar, Earl of March, Malise, Earl of Strathearn, Malcolm, Earl of Lennox, William, Earl of Ross, Magnus, Earl of Caithness and Orkney, and William, Earl of Sutherland; Walter, Steward of Scotland, William Soules, Butler of Scotland, James, Lord of Douglas, Roger Mowbray, David, Lord of Brechin, David Graham, Ingram Umfraville, John Menteith, guardian of the earldom of Menteith, Alexander Fraser, Gilbert Hay, Constable of Scotland, Robert Keith, Marischal of Scotland, Henry St Clair, John Graham, David Lindsay, William Oliphant, Patrick Graham, John Fenton, William Abernethy, David Wemyss, William Mushet, Fergus of Ardrossan, Eustace Maxwell, William Ramsay, William Mowat, Alan Murray, Donald Campbell, John Cameron, Reginald Cheyne, Alexander Seton, Andrew Leslie, and Alexander Straiton, and the other barons and freeholders and the whole community of the realm of Scotland send all manner of filial reverence, with devout kisses of his blessed feet.

Most Holy Father and Lord, we know and from the chronicles and books of the ancients we find that among other famous nations our own, the Scots, has been graced with widespread renown. They journeyed from Greater Scythia by way of the Tyrrhenian Sea and the Pillars of Hercules, and dwelt for a long course of time in Spain among the most savage tribes, but nowhere could they be subdued by any race, however barbarous. Thence they came, twelve hundred years after the people of Israel crossed the Red Sea, to their home in the west where they still live today. The Britons they first drove out, the Picts they utterly destroyed, and, even though very often assailed by the Norwegians, the Danes and the English, they took possession of that home with many victories and untold efforts; and, as the historians of old time bear witness, they have held it free of all bondage ever since. In their kingdom there have reigned one hundred and thirteen kings of their own royal stock, the line unbroken a single foreigner.

The high qualities and deserts of these people, were they not otherwise manifest, gain glory enough from this: that the King of kings and Lord of lords, our Lord Jesus Christ, after His Passion and Resurrection, called them, even though settled in the uttermost parts of the earth, almost the first to His most holy faith. Nor would He have them confirmed in that faith by merely anyone but by the first of His Apostles — by calling, though second or third in rank — the most gentle Saint Andrew, the Blessed Peter’s brother, and desired him to keep them under his protection as their patron forever.

The Most Holy Fathers your predecessors gave careful heed to these things and bestowed many favours and numerous privileges on this same kingdom and people, as being the special charge of the Blessed Peter’s brother. Thus our nation under their protection did indeed live in freedom and peace up to the time when that mighty prince the King of the English, Edward, the father of the one who reigns today, when our kingdom had no head and our people harboured no malice or treachery and were then unused to wars or invasions, came in the guise of a friend and ally to harass them as an enemy. The deeds of cruelty, massacre, violence, pillage, arson, imprisoning prelates, burning down monasteries, robbing and killing monks and nuns, and yet other outrages without number which he committed against our people, sparing neither age nor sex, religion nor rank, no one could describe nor fully imagine unless he had seen them with his own eyes.

But from these countless evils we have been set free, by the help of Him Who though He afflicts yet heals and restores, by our most tireless Prince, King and Lord, the Lord Robert. He, that his people and his heritage might be delivered out of the hands of our enemies, met toil and fatigue, hunger and peril, like another Macabaeus or Joshua and bore them cheerfully. Him, too, divine providence, his right of succession according to or laws and customs which we shall maintain to the death, and the due consent and assent of us all have made our Prince and King. To him, as to the man by whom salvation has been wrought unto our people, we are bound both by law and by his merits that our freedom may be still maintained, and by him, come what may, we mean to stand.

Yet if he should give up what he has begun, and agree to make us or our kingdom subject to the King of England or the English, we should exert ourselves at once to drive him out as our enemy and a subverter of his own rights and ours, and make some other man who was well able to defend us our King; for, as long as but a hundred of us remain alive, never will we on any conditions be brought under English rule. It is in truth not for glory, nor riches, nor honours that we are fighting, but for freedom — for that alone, which no honest man gives up but with life itself.

Therefore it is, Reverend Father and Lord, that we beseech your Holiness with our most earnest prayers and suppliant hearts, inasmuch as you will in your sincerity and goodness consider all this, that, since with Him Whose vice-gerent on earth you are there is neither weighing nor distinction of Jew and Greek, Scotsman or Englishman, you will look with the eyes of a father on the troubles and privation brought by the English upon us and upon the Church of God. May it please you to admonish and exhort the King of the English, who ought to be satisfied with what belongs to him since England used once to be enough for seven kings or more, to leave us Scots in peace, who live in this poor little Scotland, beyond which there is no dwelling-place at all, and covet nothing but our own. We are sincerely willing to do anything for him, having regard to our condition, that we can, to win peace for ourselves.

This truly concerns you, Holy Father, since you see the savagery of the heathen raging against the Christians, as the sins of Christians have indeed deserved, and the frontiers of Christendom being pressed inward every day; and how much it will tarnish your Holiness’s memory if (which God forbid) the Church suffers eclipse or scandal in any branch of it during your time, you must perceive. Then rouse the Christian princes who for false reasons pretend that they cannot go to help of the Holy Land because of wars they have on hand with their neighbours. The real reason that prevents them is that in making war on their smaller neighbours they find quicker profit and weaker resistance. But how cheerfully our Lord the King and we too would go there if the King of the English would leave us in peace, He from Whom nothing is hidden well knows; and we profess and declare it to you as the Vicar of Christ and to all Christendom.

But if your Holiness puts too much faith in the tales the English tell and will not give sincere belief to all this, nor refrain from favouring them to our prejudice, then the slaughter of bodies, the perdition of souls, and all the other misfortunes that will follow, inflicted by them on us and by us on them, will, we believe, be surely laid by the Most High to your charge.

To conclude, we are and shall ever be, as far as duty calls us, ready to do your will in all things, as obedient sons to you as His Vicar; and to Him as the Supreme King and Judge we commit the maintenance of our cause, casting our cares upon Him and firmly trusting that He will inspire us with courage and bring our enemies to nought.

May the Most High preserve you to his Holy Church in holiness and health and grant you length of days.

Given at the monastery of Arbroath in Scotland on the sixth day of the month of April in the year of grace thirteen hundred and twenty and the fifteenth year of the reign of our King aforesaid.

Endorsed: Letter directed to our Lord the Supreme Pontiff by the community of Scotland.

Additional names written on some of the seal tags: Alexander Lamberton, Edward Keith, John Inchmartin, Thomas Menzies, John Durrant, Thomas Morham (and one name is still illegible).

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December 28, 2006

“The Scottish Thistle — National Emblem of Scotland”

How did this thorny Thistle flower become the national emblem of Scotland?

Answer That Scottish Thistle saved the lives of a whole army of Scots from being slaughtered while they slept.  What better reason could you have!

The Scottish ThistleAn unusual wildlife topic.

In introducing the section on wildlife of Scotland we could not resist producing a page on the thistle — the national emblem of Scotland setting out why this rather prickly tough looking plant should be honoured in such a way.

The thistle plant grows wild all over Scotland with some 200 variations in growing all over the northern hemisphere. (One variety in the USA — known appropriately as the "Tall Thistle" — grows to a height of ten foot. However most other varieties of the Thistle grow to a height of only one to three foot.)

Thistle plants are tough wildlife with virtually no grazing animals eating them due to the very sharp spines and needles. However some animals such as a donkey will nip off the flower heads and enjoy them without touching the sharp needles.

Why make the thistle a national Emblem?

According to legend in 1263 one army led by King Haakon of Norway slipped ashore at Largs during the night hoping to take the Scots by surprise whilst they were still asleep prior to a battle planned for the following day.

In order to be able to move more quietly towards the sleeping Scots the invaders removed their footwear. Unfortunately for them that night they met up with something else hiding in the darkness. One of the invaders stood on a thistle and cried out in pain as the thorns went deep into his bare feet.

The Scots having been awakened by the cries arose and were able to fight driving the invaders back into the North Sea.

To honour the thistle plant that had so decisively saved their lives the Scots adopted the Thistle as their national symbol. Some two hundred years later James III put the thistle on silver coins in 1470.

Click to discover also the Order of the Thistle an ancient title first awarded in 1540 by the Scottish King.

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December 27, 2006

“Discover some of the best Scottish Humour jokes on the net.”

Scottish humour (or humor if you are from the USA) is said to a very dry humour and often seen as putting down our nation and our own people.

For example one of the most common jokes in Scottish humour is about the meanness or frugality of Scots people. For example we still love to joke that we are tight fisted.

Advert in local newspaper.  For Sale Used Gravestone ideal for family named McDonald.

After a rather poor collection was gathered in, the church minister prayed, "We thank you , dear Lord, that the collection plate has been returned safely"

In reality research figures over many years have consistently shown that per head of population we give far more to charity than our English counterparts.

Many of us — including myself — love to hear the bagpipes when they are played well but with our Scottish humor we can joke about the sound they make to untrained ears that have no taste.

Wee Sandy had just moved to London.  Visited by a friend from Scotland he was asked how he was doing.

"Weel",he said, "its jist grand, apart from the English Neighbours. The lot next door scream and shout and doonstairs is forever knocking up wi a broom".

"For goodness sake, Sandy, How do you stand all this commotion?"asked his friend.

"Och,ah jist keep quietly practicing on ma pipes!"

A lot of Scottish humour includes jokes about our national drink (Scotch Whisky) often with a well deserved put down for other drinks that pretend to be our whisky.

For example three CEO’s of large whisky companies went into a hotel bar.

"Okay barman ", said the first one, "give me a Japanese Whisky, the finest whisky in the world." The Barman gives him his drink.

"Right barman," said the second CEO, Give me a large American Whiskey, the finest whisky in the world."  The Barman gives him his drink.

"Right barman," said the Scottish CEO. "Give me a coke"

The other two Whisky CEOs were astonished and asked " Why aren’t you drinking Scotch whisky?"

"Well", said the Scot, " I reckoned if you guys aren’t drinking whisky, neither would I"

 

We also love to to use our particular brand of Scottish humor to have a go at our politicians.

99.9% of Scots are decent, hardworking, law abiding and and honest citizens.  But we still have to learn to accept the blame for electing the other 0.1% to govern us.

But maybe more than anything the Scottish Humor tends to love to have a joke about our English neighbours south of the border.

When God created Scotland, He looked down on it with great satisfaction. Finally He called the Archangel Gabriel to have a look.

“Just see,” said God. “This is the best yet. Splendid mountains, beautiful scenery, brave men, the very finest of all women, nice cool weather. And I’ve given them beautiful music and a special drink called whisky. Try some.”

Gabriel took an appreciative sip.

“Excellent,” he said. “But haven’t you perhaps been too kind to them? Won’t they be spoiled by all these things? Should there not be some drawback?”

“Just wait till you see the neighbours they’re getting,” said God.

We will be adding large numbers of pages of Scottish humor jokes to this website over the next few months. Come back and see them regularly.

Alternatively contribute your own Scottish Humour to our pages below

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December 26, 2006

1 “The Isle of Jura Whisky Distillery”

At one time, every household on the Isle of Jura made enough "Scotch" whisky for their own needs. What happened to that?

However that was before the Scottish Parliament made their first tax levy on Scotch whisky in 1644. Then at isle of jura 10 yr whiskyvarious times during the 1700’s when the harvest was poor the producing of whisky was legally banned in order to save barley for food.

Many illegal whisky stills were then being operated and there are places on Isle of Jura where evidence of these stills can still be seen. In 1823 a licence fee of £10 was required to legally set up a whisky still. In spite of this, illicit distilling still took place with some of the whisky being consumed on the Isle of Jura the rest being smuggled to the Lowlands of Scotland.

The original Isle of Jura distillery was built in the early 1800’s close to a cave where illegal distilling had probably taken place for many years. It was built by Campbell, the Laird and Chief of the Campbell clan, and let out to many people over the years.    It is recorded it could produce 720 gallons of Scotch whisky per week.

It was then leased to James Ferguson in 1875 and was rebuilt in 1884, producing some 64,000 gallons per year.  When the lease expired, the Laird (owner) attempted to put up the rent. Ferguson would have none of it and dismantled and sold the machinery.  The roof was removed to avoid rates and it seemed as if distilling on Jura had come to an end.

The present Isle of Jura Whisky distillery was built on the site of the old one in 1963, with additions in 1971.  It has changed hands a number of times and is currently owned by Whyte and Mackay one of the major Scotch Whisky firms.

Note: The Isle of Jura Distillery is fairly close to the Isle of Jura Hotel where you can redeem the accommodation discount voucher supplied to all our Laird of Jura members.

 

Discover more about Scotch whisky distilleries on DVD

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2 “Distilling Scotch Malt Whisky on the Isle of Jura.”

"Distilling Scotch Malt Whisky on the Isle of Jura."

How does the Isle of Jura Whisky distillery make such a smooth unique tasting drink?

The Isle of Jura whisky distillery is located in Craighouse almost at the edge of Small Isles Bay. This distillery (below) was re-built on the original site (dating back to 1810) and is very close to where it is believed that whisky had been distilled for many generations prior to that (often illegally).

The origins of how Scotch whisky was first distilled has been lost in time and we are unlikely to ever know for certain. However we do know that the ancient celts distilled a fiery liquid they referred to "uisge beathe" or the "water of life". Obviously the name implies it was something special — maybe even special enough to live on to this day as Scotch whisky.

The Union of Scotland with England in 1707 brought in excessive levels of taxation to be paid to the foreign government based in London and a lot of the Scotch whisky production was then done illegally.

In 1823 the Excise Act was passed sanctioning the distilling of whisky with a tax duty to be paid on its production. It remains illegal to this day to simply possess a still capable of making whisky even if you do not use it for that purpose.

Today Scotch whisky is known as one of the top selling alcohol spirits in the world.

In 1999 Scotland paid £2,515,200 or 39% of the total £6,400,000 paid in UK alcohol duty reflecting the high volume of Scotch whisky produced in the country. If we assume that the average production of the 100 active and legal whisky distilleries is between 1.2 and 2.0 million litres a year. That means there is roughly 150 million litres.

It is illegal to refer to any drink as a Scotch whisky if it has not been aged in Scotland in oak casks for at least three years so that means there is a minimum of 450,000 litres of drink becoming whisky stored in the country at any one time. That is even without taking into account that some whisky is aged for 10 to 30 years before being bottled. No wonder the production of quality Scotch whisky has such a major partto play in the countries economy.

The main areas of production are the Highlands and the Islands of Scotland each one having a fairly distinct flavour all of its own. There are even seven Scotch whisky distilleries operating in the neighbouring isle of Islay.

However the taste of those distilleries are radically different from the smooth taste of the varieties of whisky produced on the Isle of Jura. Whilst this is down to a number of different factors — which we will cover on the following pages — the main difference is the level of peat taste which is almost nonexistent in most of the Isle of Jura whisky drunk today. (Except for about three weeks a year when the Isle of Jura distillery makes a more peaty tasting whisky than normal using a different source of barley.)

Discover even more about the subject of Scotch whisky on DVD.

Go on our tour of Whisky distilling as practiced on the Isle of Jura today.

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4 “Distilling Isle of Jura Whisky”

Did you know that you can visit the Isle of Jura whisky distillery and see for yourself how they make it?

In true Scots hospitality  they also give you a not so  "wee dram"

But before you can drink the Isle of Jura whisky it needs to be made!

Prior to the distillation of the whisky the barley must be ground to make a form of course flour. This is a fairly noisy but important process in the Isle of Jura Whisky Distillery achieved by the barley passing down a number of gravity fed milling rollers to form a grist.Isle of Jura still picture

The grist is then passed into large mash tuns with up to four times its own volumes of warm water to dissolve the sugars — retaining the solids to act as a cattle feed. (Don’t worry you will not see drunken cattle on the road as there has been no yeast added yet to produce any alcohol!)

The sugared juice (called wort) has still not started to ferment so yeast is added to produce alcohol and carbon dioxide. Often during this rapid bubbling process it is possible to feel the huge stainless steel wash back tuns vibrate. Up to now there is very little difference between the brewing of some beers and the production of whisky spirits. It is only in the next stage the brewing of beer and production of Scotch Whisky begins to divide.

The large copper stills comprise of two pairs of almost identical size (shown above) and are amongst the tallest in the whisky industry. It is at this stage that the alcohol is removed with the alcohol boiling off at 80 degrees compared with water at 100 degrees. The first pair of stills (referred to the low wines stills) hold 48,000 litres between them.

The liquid is heated by use of steam coils with samples of the distillate being taken at regular intervals until the hydrometer reading shows no more alcohol remains. This is done over a period of eight hours. At this stage the distillate will around 21% alcohol. (The control panel and testing area just visible on the left side of the photo also serves as a viewing area for visitors on the whisky distillery tour.)

The second stage of the whisky distillation process takes place in the second smaller pair of stills. This distillation is taken even more slower with the stills running for eleven hours although the important required "middle cut" is only being taken for about a third of that time. Again here one of the steam coils is switched off during that middle cut to enable a better separation of the alcohol content.

At this point the distillate will be around 70% but diluted to around 63.5% alcohol with the addition of more spring water. However it is still illegal to call this alcoholic spirit "whisky". In addition it still lacks that distinctive flavour we would associate with Isle of Jura Scotch whisky.

Continue the tour of the Isle of Jura Whisky distillery

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